These are men who find me attractive, but are initially hesitant because of my trans-ness.
With these men, I went on dates in public at the movies, or a chill restaurant, and I was viewed as more than a new sexual experience—but I don’t think I was seen as potential relationship material either. We vibed well and there was sexual tension building during our dates. After a month, he reached out to me saying he couldn’t be with me because I am transgender.
Washboard-Abs-No-Face and unsolicited dick pics that most women, unfortunately, receive. Right as a transgender woman (I was born male, but identify and present as female) adds a whole new dimension to digital dating.
Since transitioning in I haven’t reacted positively to guys who hit on me in person because I haven’t mastered the art of telling them that we have “the same parts.” For the past three years, Tinder has been my gateway into online dating as a transgender woman.
These guys want to chill somewhere less public or exclusively at their place so they won’t be seen with me.
I have actually “dated” (if you can even call it that) some of these men, including one guy who checked his apartment’s hallway to make sure his neighbours wouldn’t see me leave his place.
However, I recently went on a date with a guy who was tall, handsome, funny and had his shit (relatively) together. I responded saying it was all over my Ok Cupid profile, which it turns out he never read.
We met in the late afternoon and enjoyed our frozen yogurt in perfect patio weather. At the end of the date, our first kiss quickly turned into a handsy makeout session in the backseat of my car. He said, “I’m bouncing; that’s f-cked up,” and jumped out of the car, spat on the ground, slammed the car door and walked away.
Thanks to Tinder, profile pictures say more than a thousand words—and actual words seem to be irrelevant on our profiles.So, whenever I see 6’2″ or taller on a guy’s profile, it’s almost an automatic right swipe.As a trans woman on dating apps, I’ve always made sure that guys are aware that I am transgender. There have also been many documented cases of trans women being hurt and sometimes even killed when they disclose their status to transphobic men that found them attractive, so being completely transparent is also a way of protecting myself from potentially dangerous situations.As I click, message and swipe through the world of online dating, I’ve quickly learned that there are at least three different types of guys: those who fetishize trans women, those who are curious but cautious, and those who simply don’t read.Unfortunately, these labels don’t appear on their profiles.As a 22-year-old grad starting a career in fashion (and hopefully, one day, my own size-inclusive clothing line), I am drawn to guys who are funny and ambitious.There’s no bigger turn-off than someone who does the bare minimum—except maybe body odour. Being 5’9″, I still like to be able to look up to my man, literally.I get plenty of matches on Tinder, but within 24 hours around half of them un-match or block me after reading my profile.Whenever I do start talking to guys who “stick around,” I make sure that they know I am transgender before meeting them.He was concerned about how his sexuality would “change.” I had another similar experience on a first date where a man greeted me, hugged me, then said he left something in his car.After a couple of minutes, I got a text from him while waiting alone at our table that said he had to leave because my transgender status was giving him anxiety.